It's all in how you choose to view it (Artwords #52)

This is my entry for this week's Artwords challenge : Eyes. I immediately thought of different points of view and how we can have the power to change how we feel by considering things differently. I had a profound experience of that just this week.

I was visiting the blog of one of my online friends, cusp. She, like me, has cfs and her blog has links to a number of others by people with it too. I spent a couple of hours submerged in a world which I usually try very hard to avoid - please don't take offense - a world filled with cfs sufferers. I know a lot of other people find a lot of companionship and solace in support groups of people with the same condition. I am an occupational therapist and in my previous life I have run them and encouraged others to join them. But they just did not suit me.

I guess I am really lucky (and this is going to sound really strange) that my husband also has cfs. It means I have on hand someone with an intimate understanding of the condition. We can share our experiences and our feelings but at the same time we know we have to make an effort for the other - so we can't let our despair (and there can be quite a lot of despair at times) get on top of us, because we know we will just drag the other one down. It's an extremely complicated dynamic, and for the first several years we did not get it right at all. In fact, we separated for a long period, but we overcame our difficulties, and now I cannot imagine living without my "DH".

The point I am trying to make is that other than DH, I don't really "hang out" with people with cfs. My friends are the friends I had before, albeit without a few who didn't believe, weren't able to adapt to my dropping out of things etc etc. So when I encounter a group of people with cfs - reality slams me in the face. And I realize that I sometimes live in a state of semi-denial about how different from "average" my life and horizons are.

I made my choice some time ago that I need to have what I call "real world goals", even if they are small and are always subject to review. By this I mean, goals that a person who was not sick might have, like exhibiting or attempting a course. This is not always easy and sometimes probably not wise, but without them, I just become depressed. And I know now that every 2-3 years there does seem to be a period when I will need to withdraw from anything that has a "real deadline" (as distinct from one I have arbitrarily set in my head) and just relax. This is how DH lives his life too - he is a musician - so we try to organise things so that when one of has a major deadline, the other is relatively uncommitted, and can be support-person. It seems to work reasonably well for us most of the time.

However, too often I compare myself with my friends who (if they are my age) are mid-career, well-established with families and lovely homes, going for trips overseas every couple of years, or else if they are art school friends, tend to be somewhat younger, but nevertheless are exhibiting multiple times a year, going on residencies and winning grants to fund all sorts of wonderful projects.

Reading the blogs of a number of others with cfs, some who seem to be more ill than me, and others who are less ill (at the moment) reminded me of the truth of my situation. And in fact I am so lucky compared to where I have been. There was a time when I was living alone with this illness. There was a time when I was much too sick to make any art work for months. There was even a time before I realized that art could be a sustaining passion in my life. So I am thankful to those others with cfs who blog and share their experiences and insights into this situation we are all facing. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me see things as they truly are.

Links to some of the cfs-related blogs I've visited so far

Michael Nobbs

velo-gubbed legs

Liverpool Leftovers

Reading the Signs

and there are more over on the blog of my chum, cusp

Artwords #51: Botanical

Lost (in the Garden of Eden)

The title for my entry in Artwords this week comes from the fact that the original photo which is the basis of this work was taken in a place called Eden, on the south-east coast of Australia, close to the border of New South Wales and Victoria. Eden is an old whaling town on a rugged but beautiful area of coastline, and it really stays in my mind as a highlight of that trip.

We stumbled onto the town, having not heard of it before but some time later saw a special on ABC TV entitled "Killers in Eden". The following is an excerpt from the cover of the DVD.

"On the southeast coast of Australia, the town of Eden nestles along the shores of Twofold Bay. It was once a center of Australia's thriving whaling industry, in part because it lies along the migration path of baleen whales swimming northward from the Antarctic. But residents say Eden's whalers got some unusual help -- from orcas, or killer whales, that patrolled offshore.
Locals such as Elsie Severs and Alice Otten who witnessed the hunts say the orcas took the lead in the hunt, herding larger migrating whales into the bay. Once the whales were confined in the bay, the orcas would then attack their quarry to the point of exhaustion. Human whalers moved in for the final kill -- then shared the spoils with the orcas."

That story is really just a bit of scene-setting as my image obviously has nothing to do with whales. I stumbled across this bushy area by a lookout and had to stop and take some photos. The tangle of tree trunks, gnarled by the salty winds had created a natural grotto. You can see one of the original images here. I worked on the image in Photoshop, mostly using the adjustment layers and the lighting effects to create this work.

The Refinery (Artwords #47)

The Refinery
Originally uploaded by potsrme1962.

It's great to be contributing to Artwords again after an enforced break. Actually this is the first artwork I've done since returning from Melbourne nearly 2 weeks ago. The whole thing took a bit of a toll on my health and I guess I will have to factor in that sort of recovery period after each trip down this year.
Tomorrow I plan to get back to my masters work but today I took a trip to Wynnum about half an hour from my home and took some photos.
This refinery is on the way back. The whole area is full of "Jeffrey Smart" moments, as my husband pointed out. Wonderful if you like photographing industrial scenery - and I do.
Photoshop is a wonderful way for me to get my creative juices flowing again and I was even able to locate the exact spot to show you on a map on Flickr - great fun! Check it out here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/amandaw-w/450575858/

By the way, there is actually quite a bit of yellow in the sky, it just doesn't show up so well on screen.

Topic #41 - Morning

Having CFS has an interesting impact on my photography - I have very few photos taken in the morning, because I simply don't get out of the house till about midday! Hunting through my folders did reveal this one, with the foliage shadows on the washing, taken in Melbourne.

I took this photo for inspiration and was thinking about making large panels of translucent porcelain to "project" shadows onto. A lot of my earlier work revolves around shadows as you can see here and here.

I spent a lot longer than I intended trying out different ideas for this piece in Photoshop - damn computers! they gobble up your time, but they do make it easy to explore a range of options. In the end I had so much trouble selecting one as my entry that I am just going to upload a number of options and whichever comes up first will be the entry! You can visit my blog to see what else

I came up with (for those reading this on Artwords).

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Topic #40 - Heart

With my love of anatomical drawings I couldn't miss the chance to join in this weeks Artwords challenge - Heart.

I made this book page some weeks ago, the first for a book with the working title "Preserve". The concept is an exploration of how we try to hold onto life, which is actually a slippery process, changing constantly and passing us by.

We live in our memories and struggle to extend our youth but change keeps happening in spite of our efforts.

If we could only accept this and live in the moment, things would be so much easier.

The paper is Rives BFK, hand-embossed for depth with a Sheer Heaven transfer, wax and oil paint.

Topic #38 - Memory

My entry this week is an encaustic painting. This is a medium I am very new to, so I have a lot to learn. Even so, I find working with the wax absolutely fascinating and despite the challenges it presents I experience little or no frustration.

The building up of translucent layers really lent itself to this weeks theme. To me it represents the way memories become fuzzier over time. I started off working quite intuitively, putting down layers and scratching back to reveal hidden textures; then painting more layers of wax.

After a while I started to see a theme emerging of archaic time. The textures seemed geological and the scratching back reminded me of archeological digs. There is also a flavour of the primordial soup, I think. In order to integrate the image, I overlaid some structure in the final layers. Without that, the imagery was a bit too chaotic for my eye. I do hope you can see some of the layering and detail in the enlargement, because without that some of the meaning will be lost.

I am cheating a little, by posting my entry for last week here as well. As I explained in a previous post, I just wasn't happy with it last week, but when I returned to it this week, it somehow looked a lot better! You know how it is! It really does seem to capture the mood.

This photo was taken in our driveway in Melbourne after a day of 40 deg. celsius heat. It was about 10pm and a cool change came through, with the most gorgeous cooling breeze. The temperature must have dropped about 20 degrees in an hour or so - as it can in Melbourne. These bushes were blowing about and I have of course photoshopped them, to enhance the effect.

A Painting A-Day: The Last Week

I am running a bit late with this update on my Painting-A-Day (downgraded to the much less catchy A Painting Every Second Day here) so in fairness given the time extension I have created more work - eight pieces in all. The lateness was caused by some health issues (migraines provoked by the sudden onset of summer heat here in Brisbane) and the fact that I spent the week working mostly with wax (good choice for hot weather, I hear you say!).

One thing I love about wax is that if you don't like what you've created, you can melt it down or scrape it back and hey presto! start again! The trouble is, this is a little like computers, they don't save you any time, but you can end up with a better end result - it just depends how much patience you have....I am also pretty new to using wax so there is a lot to learn - but after this I feel somewhat more confident...dipping and collage are going okay but painting, well I'm not a painter, so I've got a lot to learn.

The collage shows the works in the order they were finished, and includes two entries for Artwords and one for Illustration Friday. You can see the red paper-cut for IF in my other blog, Amanda-IF and I will do a separate post for the Artwords entry for this week - Memories.

The first piece is a page for my second artists book. You can see my first one here. It is still coming together, but is about the transience of the body. This is a Sheer Heaven transfer of the heart, encased in wax. The working title for the book is "Preserve". There is a LOT more work to be done on this, as this is the first page I've completed. I was pleased to test out my techniques though and find it came together quite well.

Next is a digital entry for last weeks Artwords, which I wasn't really satisfied with and did not end up posting. The prompt was "wind" and it's a digitally altered photo of the wind rustling the trees in our driveway in Melbourne. Looking back a week later, I actually think it captures the theme reasonably well.

Third is an attempt at a collage I've been thinking about which explores the cyclical nature of existence through the lunar cycle. I wasn't at all happy with the woman in this and re-did it, as you can see in the second last piece. This one feels more true to my aesthetic, but still needs work.

Next is my second wax box. You can see more detailed images of this on Flickr. This one is constructed entirely of Japanese lace paper. I plan to make a series of these boxes as part of my masters work so you'll be seeing more of them in future posts.

Next is a red wax collage using Sheer Heaven transfers and inlaid wax drawing. It started as an experimental page for Preserve but I doubt it will be used now. The final piece is an encaustic painting incorporating a little collage and it's my Artwords entry so you'll have to wait for the Artwords post to read about it.

The great thing about this month has been that I have created a lot, explored themes and techniques I've had in mind for literally months, and most pleasingly, been really well and energetic through it all. Now if I could just manage to sustain this level of output, I think I might have a chance of finishing my MFA....

So the plan for the next month is to get working on masters pieces. I have scheduled a visit to Melbourne for late March and I want to have plenty of samples to take down with me. Tomorrow will be a big planning day. Over all, a great start to the year.

A-Painting-A-Day: Taking Stock So Far

I'd love to be able to say that it was my intention all along to do a big end of month summary of this Painting-A-Day exercise - but the truth is I've been so caught up making art that I just haven't had a chance to update this blog.

The positive of this is that it means the month is going really well. There have been a few changes to the Painting-A-Day "rules" - when you're making it up as you're going along, this is not surprising! First of all, it doesn't have to be a painting. In fact it doesn't absolutely have to be 2-D, although I have tried to stick to this in the main. However, I think that all but 2 works do include paint! Secondly, the daily was never really realistic, unless I wanted to make all the works very spontaneous and quick. Instead I have gone for at least 4 per week and made it to 5 once. By taking it a little more slowly, I think I can get some good "starters" going, things I can return to and look at developing in the future. It also gives me a chance to try out a few different techniques I've thought of or read about in the past 12 months. So the collage above shows pictures of all the works created so far.

Week 1

The first week I made four works, two collages and two mixed media drawings. None of these really work but I did try out some new techniques, including sgraffito using wax pastels and Jonathon Talbot transfer technique which I've mentioned in earlier posts. I've been focussing on developing imagery that I may use in my masters work and there are lots of "bits" that I think I can work with here.

The big disappointment for me was the sgraffito. It's a technique I'm familiar with in ceramics, and while it worked, I just didn't really like the effect - but that may be due to the multicoloured surface I created - you can see it here. It just looks lazy and messy to me.

Week 2

This week was my most productive so far. I was still in an exploratory mood despite my dissatisfaction with the sgraffito, so I tried my hand at a variety of media and techniques. The theme for Illustration Friday was buzz and anyone who knows my work knows I have included a reference to whipper snippers in a past installation - I HATE THEM! So I quickly got the idea to do a Noel MeKenna-esque painting of a whipper snipper in suburbia. I have to say that this was the most fun I've had all month. I had planned to work in acrylics, but was scared off by my total lack of experience with this type of project, so I opted for aquarelles. From a distance I am actually reasonably happy with the result, despite my obvious compositional goof - just don't examine the surface too closely, please!

I also experimented with two ideas I've had for a while. One is using tissue paper to sculpt close-ups of the body, inspired somewhat by Brent Harris - this is harder than it looks, and this one is not really working, but I will experiment further. The second idea shows lots of potential and I am really excited about it. I used Japanese paper dipped in wax to construct a box. I'm really happy with the translucency and am thinking this may be a way for me to work in 3-D other than with clay.

I also managed to complete my "start" for the Library project on Flickr and finished off with a photoshopped work for Artwords, seen in the previous post "graffitti". Okay I know that photoshop is not paint, but it is 2-D and for this one I did experiment with something I've not done before, as you'll see if you check out the post.

Week 3

All right, now we are in the home straight! Week 3.

This week I became almost totally wrapped up in the Library project. I started work on the start that Alex Itin from Brooklyn had sent me. I have to admit that it's been sitting here for 2 weeks and I've been looking at it, coming up with ideas, but terrified of actually making a mark. After all, this is another artist's work I'm about to work on. Eventually I bit the bullet and was able to find some images that I thought suited perfectly, including this map of the world from 1581 in the shape of a flower! (Alex's start included a butterfly with the words "Korea, China, Vietnam, Japan" on its wings.) You can see the completed collaboration on Alex's blog. I also polished off a book page Alex had included, a la the Humument.

By this stage I was really rolling on the collages and dieing to incorporate some of my anatomy imagery. I started a new book cover with the intention of posting it to the Library for collaboration, but was having so much fun that I ended up just continuing on with it myself!

I finished last week with a failed experiment. I had this idea to try a Jonathon Talbot transfer onto Japanese lace paper. Technically, it did work, but the effect is not what I had hoped. Not sure now what I hoped! Well, yes I am. I'm looking to express impermanence, but not in an old moth-eaten document kind-of-way, like this. I'm interested in change, transition. Hence the butterflies, life-cycles and so on. I think the faded effect of the transfer says more about this.

Well that brings us up to date. I am hoping the remaining 7 days will be just as productive. I think I should try to use this last week to experiment some more - then next month I can start to develop some of these ideas. I have booked my first trip to Melbourne to see my supervisor, Kevin White, in March. By then I need to have some solid progress to share.

Topic # 35 - Graffiti 3

For this week's Artwords challenge I have taken a small section of a photo and worked with it in Photoshop to create a totally different digital art work. This is the first time I've done this, rather than work with a photo using filters and adjustment levels to digitally "process" the image.

This is the original image with the subject's face blacked out as she was just someone in the street, and I don't want to invade anyone's privacy. For my piece I selected the large graffiti in white, the darker graffiti to the right of the woman's head and the blue patch of paint, presumably covering something obscene. I also chose the layers of chipped paint on the right hand bottom corner of the wall.

I moved all these components over into a new document and began to play. I knew I wanted softer colours because I wanted to reduce the harsh masculine look that I think graffiti has. In the end I came up with something I am reasonably happy with. My main criticism comes from the fact that I utilized the magic wand to choose sections of the image to then fill with colour. This tool is one of my favourites, except that it actually selects on a pixel-by-pixel basis. Even with some blur this is still visible to my eye, and other than actually going in to the areas with the paint brush, I don't know how to fix it. I am thinking of posting this over at the Photoshop Support Group on Flickr to see if anyone can help me out.

Topic #34 - Begin

Begin=End=Begin

When I checked this week's challenge at Artwords I couldn't believe how well it fits with the art I am currently making. I have started off my month of daily paintings/collage/2D work quite well - it's the fourth of January and I am working on my third work. I have slightly altered the goal to allow for "mishaps" and am aiming for 5 works per week - I think this should be achievable and create enough focus without stressing me out.

The works have been focusing on the theme of transcience and impermanence which is the topic of my MFA. I've been collecting imagery for months now and am working with the cyclical nature of life. I have chosen two ways of depicting this: using butterflies and life-cycles and the lunar cycle.

This work incorporates a modification of Jonathon Talbot's transfer method using gloss gel medium, acrylic, wax pastel, Pitt's artists pens, sgraffito and collage. I must confess to a little digital jiggery-pokery...I wasn't happy with the composition of the original so I scanned it into Photoshop and "reorganised" the layout.

I learnt two valuable things from this work. First Talbot's method is really excellent for my purposes and secondly, I need to look at the sizing of my components. I am tending to make them medium sized - when they either need to be bigger, and fill the canvas more, or smaller. The re-working in PS basically consisted of adjusting the sizes of the different images.

I have titled my entry for Artwords "Begin=End=Begin" in recognition of the fact that beginnings are always associated with endings. To wipe the slate clean and start afresh, you have to let some things go if you going to have room for anything new. Sometimes these endings may be small and easy, and sometimes they can be massive and trigger a grief reaction. But to invert the proposition, any ending is also a beginning. We may grieve for the end of something we treasured, but at the same time we are being offered a new beginning. And a beginning should always be seen as an opportunity - so seize the day! Carpe Diem!

Topic #33 - Stripes

Stripes (digital diptych), 2006

This weeks's Artwords challenge gave me the chance to work with some black and white images I took a few years ago. When we first moved to Melbourne I noticed a big difference in the light and started photographing it where ever it fell. These shapes, which remind me of a musical staff, are shadows from light passing through nothing more exciting than a venetian blind.

If you'd like to see the original image, I posted it here at Flickr.

To make this diptych, I introduced my favourite colour scheme, playing mostly with the adjustment layers in Photoshop again. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to achieve the blood red colour, but I did! Hooray!

I gave up photographing lights and shadows a while ago because I wasn't really sure what to do with the images. Now that I'm learning more about working with my photos more effectively thanks to the Photoshop Support Group on Flickr, I think I might go back to exploring this avenue. To me, it refers back to the origins of photography and Olive Cotton's quote that "photography is drawing with light".

Topic #31 - Sparkles

"Sparkles" is an interesting challenge at this time of year. Of course it conjours up thoughts of Christmas but for so many people it seems that Christmas is either a difficult or sad time or at least a double edged sword, filled with so many hopes and yet so much tension.

Families are the basic unit of our society and as such they seem to me to be the thing that brings us our most meaningful experiences. Families can provide so much love and joy, and they can also hurt us and disappoint so deeply.

I find it hard myself to negotiate the expectations that Christmas will be a wonderful, joyous occasion. Here in Australia it is often stinking hot and eating a lot of rich food and alcohol is really not wise, yet we all still do it if we can - often going so far as to feast on the traditional northern hemisphere fare of roast turkey, baked ham followed by plum pudd. (for those of us with a British heritage, anyway).

This Christmas I will be remembering my father of course. The grief is not quite as raw this time around as last year when he had only been dead seven weeks, but it still packs a punch.

I am hopeful that this Christmas, while small and low-key will be more relaxed and enjoyable than recent ones. My brother and sister and their families are going away, so on Christmas Day I will be having my mother and my mother-in-law for lunch. We have air-conditioning and we will be having non-traditional food: smoked salmon, and berries for dessert. It will be a quiet affair, but I do think the mother's will enjoy it - they love to see each other.

On Boxing Day we will gather at my mother-in-law's for the full Christmas celebration with my brother-in-law's family which includes our four year old nephews - there will be nothing quiet about that day!

My entry in Artwords this week really captures my mood as I contemplate Christmas and the year past. I value the time taken to reflect - it helps to focus on the sunshine and allow the less attractive aspects of life to drift away to the horizon.

Topic #30 - Windows

Burke Road Window

Amazingly I had an exhibition in 2002 with this title, Windows, and I had hoped to use an image from the documentation of that as my entry in this weeks' Artwords challenge. Unfortunately all my images are on slides and I haven't been able to get them scanned in time. Still, with buildings a major partof my iconography, I have plenty of images of windows in my resources.

I decided to create something new using one of the photos I took when living in Melbourne. I am continuing my explorations with Photoshop - working a lot with the adjustment layers and a couple of simple filters. This allows me to explore more photographic post-processing type effects. I am still trying to work out what I can do, but I think I am starting to get a bit of a feel for what I like. I like these colours, somehow they are muted yet bright - how can that be? I don't like the fact that the image is obviously derived from the negative - it makes it look too obviously "photoshopped".

I was thinking some of these images would be interesting as transfers, maybe using Jonathon Talbot's technique, described here.

As I am still very much in a developmental stage with Photoshop, I have decided to post a couple of my other versions here in the hope of getting some constructive criticism.

Topic #29 - Birds

I have been struggling to contribute to Artwords for the past few weeks. I haven't been able to achieve anything creative because my energy levels have been so low. A few days ago I managed to start experimenting in Photoshop and created a couple of images I was fairly happy with for starters (see my photos on Flickr) and then today I started working on my entry for this week's topic "Birds".

I knew I had appropriate photos because when I was living in Melbourne I had this wonderful experience with the geese at Studley Park. My husband and I were just sitting reading at one of the picnic tables and about 20 geese came and mobbed us! I know geese can be aggressive so I was a bit alarmed, but they were just lovely. They came right up close, checking us out and honking, letting me take loads of close-up shots. Then our mobile (cell) phone rang and the person on the other end was quite concerned - the geese were so loud she could hardly hear me speak and she thought we must be getting attacked!

They really were such beautiful healthy creatures, so brave, just looking us in the eye, but with curiosity, not animosity. Wonderful!

I've had the feeling that Photoshop could be a good way for me to express myself creatively when I'm pretty tired because sitting at the computer is something I still tend to do unless I have a headache. It's just that I haven't been able to create anything I was really satisfied with up until now. I discovered a great group on Flickr, the Photoshop Support Group. They put up short tutorials on how to achieve certain effects and you can start discussion threads on how to create a particular look that you are after. Already I've learned a lot from them and it is showing!

Topic #23 - Brown (Follow Your Dreams)

My entry is a photo I took when I was living in an old terrace house in Melbourne. In mid-2003 I moved from my home of 40 years (Brisbane) for the adventure I had dreamed of since I left school - living in another city. The city of my aspirations has changed over the years, but I've always wanted to embed myself in a place with a different culture in a way that can't happen by simply taking a holiday. It may not sound like too big a change but believe me there is a big difference: Brisbane is a tropic city of roughly 1 million, and the culture is built around the sunshine - which is a nice way of saying there's lots of sport and not much art or music! Melbourne on the other hand is three times the size, famous for experiencing "four seasons in one day", home of the MCG but ALSO home to a thriving artistic community.

When my husband and I first moved to Melbourne we rented this gorgeous terrace.

It was built in the late 1800s to house railway employees working onconstructing the railway line at the end ofthe street. My entry is a photo taken in the afternoon in the room at the front (shown above). The glass in the windows was original, and not quite clear. You could see out and not really notice anything unusual, but when light shone through it, it created this wonderful reflection.

Anyway, my reason for giving this photo the title "Follow Your Dreams" is that I am so glad I finally managed to live in another city. Despite the fact that neither my husband nor I are able to work due to our cfs, we still decided it was worth spending most of our savings to pursue this dream. We felt that we had been sick for nearly 13 years (at that time) and we had put our life on hold in so many areas for so long - it was time to take back some control.

We are now back in Brisbane and since we returned I have lost my father and my energy has diminished even further, but the memories of the great times we had in Melbourne really help. But more important than that is the knowledge that I can still dream.

Topic #21 - Miniature: Artists books

Left: Little Red Book of the Body

Dim. (closed) 5cm x4.7cm; (open) 5x28cm

For Artwords this week I am submitting a miniature concertina book. It is really a maquette for an artists book I am working on and will be part of my MFA work investigating impermanence. The finished book will have quite a different feel from this miniature. For the final piece I will use more fragile paper and the covers will be translucent porcelain. I am thinking of dipping the paper in wax to give it a preserved "feel". I am also planning to use solvent transfers for the imagery to create a more mysterious and aged effect.

So...this little miniature is really nothing much like the final version will be, except for the imagery. It has been a great opportunity to play around with the layout and lots of fun!

Left: Inside imagery

I am totally hooked on artists books at present. I see it as my new direction. For some reason, the way ceramics are used as a canvas to explore all sorts of subjects has never really made sense to me. But a book? Well there is inherent logic in that, isn't there?

A little over a month ago I went to my first workshop on making books. We learnt how to make 6 different types of books including simple stitched bindings, portfolio books and wonderful folded books, like a triangle and a square book. I love papers and all sorts of books but some of the more sculptural types really lend themselves to clay. I can really see how the area could expand for me. Now I am trying to find ways to incorporate books into my MFA - a totally different direction from the ephemeral installation work I was pursueing! I haven't dared tell my supervisor yet - he'll think I've gone mad! I'm having enough trouble getting through the Masters with my health problems as it is, without changing directions at this stage.

Anyway it has been terrific to make my first real book and I will definitely be making more...And I'll be putting more shots of this one up on Flickr later today.

Topic #20 - Confession

This is my entry for Confession at Artwords. It is only a sketch really but I didn't want to miss the deadline again this week. I plan to keep working on it, just to enhance some of the background. If I end up changing it significantly, I'll post the improvements!

Sometimes I think confessing can be quite selfish. It can operate to make the confessor feel better, to cleanse the soul, but only leaves the confessee feeling totally betrayed. Some sins are better left unknown, unsaid. And if that means you have to learn to live with your guilt, then that is just how it is. In a sense, by confessing, you may just end up wronging the person twice. It's not always better to know the truth.

Voice!

This is my first drawing for a new project I'm working on for my MFA. I'm going to make an artists book about the fragility and complexity of the human body. I'm thinking of making a porcelain cover with paper pages. I have just started working on the drawings for the book and am testing out solvent transfers of my drawings to add to the sense of fragility. The drawings are developed from anatomical diagrams which I really love. The model for this one came from an old medical text entitled: Cunningham's Manual of Practical Anatomy, which was first published in 1896.

I decided to start with the "voice box", as it is colloquially known, because this week's theme on Artwords was voice and I haven't had time to create a separate work.

After 10 years of studying Speech and Drama at school, the voice and how it is created is quite familiar to me. Do you know that the vocal cords (labelled here Plica vocalis) are often called the vocal folds? That makes them seem incredibly vulnerable to me, almost as if they were a mistake, or something that might not have developed. Imagine if humans had no voice.

And it seems even more incredible that something which is simply a fold of tissue can create the range of sounds, both in speech and in song, that they do. I never stop being amazed by the human body.

Taking Up Blogging Again

Thanks to Ascenderrisesabove for my first comments! It is amazing how little encouragement can be enough to reinforce human behaviour!

I have been giving blogging quite a lot of thought since I last posted about 5 months ago. I've been trying to discern a direction for the blog. I felt I needed to be saying something that was important enough for people to want to hear and think about. That's quite a responsibility really. And I realize that is falling into an old pattern of mine.

When I was 20 years younger (oops! giving something bad away there!) I was in the habit of trying to second-guess what other people wanted all the time, and then adopting that as my preference too. I guess the theory was that conflict would be avoided and I would be liked. I'm not sure how well it worked, but one thing I do know is that over time my sense of self was hugely eroded and I built up a lot of frustration and anger. I thought this was a bad habit I had managed to curb, and I think that mostly I have, but in putting myself out there in this blog, I was falling into the same old, same old. So...

For now I have decided that I'm not going to choose a particular direction for this blog. It will be a documentation of my thoughts and life, hopefully in a coherent way, so that I might learn something about the process of living my life. There are a number of possible directions I would like to take in life and I think that documenting the process here may be helpful to me. And who knows, it may be helpful to someone else too.

I am keen to re-name the blog, but it's already had one name change (from Art Heals to Always Tired) so I'm holding back, and waiting to see what emerges. Some of what may be seen here over time includes:
my art and some documentation of my art process; how art operates as a healing force for me;
some discussion about art - what inspires me, the role of art in the individual's life and in society;
some teasing out (hopefully) of the old art and craft nexus;
documentation of life with CFS;
exploration of Insight Meditation and buddhism; and along with this no doubt, some of my responses to the complicated world we live in - as a human being, it's impossible not to worry about the state of the environment and our society, and much more. I don't know what Margaret Thatcher meant when she said "there is no society" - it's just a justification to assuage the guilt we feel when we don't respond with compassion to the plight of others. Anyway, I won't mount the soap box in this post!

To finish up this post, I'd like to promote a blog I've been participating in for a month or two called Artwords. http://artwordsclan.blogspot.com/ It is an online art journal started up by the wonderful artist Susan Tuttle.

Each week, Susan posts challenges to stimulate the many talented artists who send in their responses to the theme. It is my participation in this blog that has helped me to feel that it may be worth re-inventing my own blog. And it is over at Artwords that I first encountered Ascenderrisesabove, mentioned at the beginning of this post, as my motivator-to-action. Her blogs can be found at: http://ascenderrisesabove.blogspot.com/

The image I have posted today is an exercise in automatic drawing developed for this week's Artwords challenge, surrealism. Automatic drawing is one of the streams of surrealism that artists like Miro used as a drawing parallel to Freud's "stream of consciousness". It is a wonderfully freeing technique and has contributed to my feeling I can be just as free with this blog. I can really see this image working as a print and hope to test that vision out soon...