A small space is all you need....

....cleared, amongst the mess...

...to finish the stencil cutting....

.....and start to test out the text.

Progress!

 

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Not waving, drowning....in mess

It seems that the more I try to focus my attention on a single art project, the more projects I end up starting.

 I have, as you know, wide-ranging interests and limited energy. As a result, I often find myself working on one thing while I'm longing to be making something else. So I thought that as a strategy to manage this, I would try focussing on one work for a month at a time. This would allow me to make some progress wih one thing, work on something else for a while, and then return to the earlier project before so much time has passed that I've totally lost my train of thought.


Before we went on holiday to Melbourne, I was working on a book using photographs that I took in Paris. The stairway in the building where we stayed in the Marais is very atmospheric and a great example of "wabi sabi". As well as the more elaborate staircase leading up to the apartments, there is a smaller, darker set of stairs leading from the entry down to the cellar.
My idea for the book, tentatively titled "ascendre/descendre", is to use the photos going up and going down in such a way that it's not always clear which is which and where we are heading. I see it as a metaphor for our times, and even the human race.

Here's one of the photos I'm considering using. The first step is converting them to black and white and making any other digital processing changes.

When I returned from Melbourne I was scheduled to start a three week online course Drawing for Textiles with Dionne Swift. I actually met Dionne in Brighton last year at the Art Fair, and after an inspiring chat with her and seeing her work there, I had enrolled in this course immediately. I've been waiting for March to roll around with great anticipation ever since.


But inspiration doesn't necessarily strike when it's convenient, does it? I've been tossing ideas around in my head for the upcoming Personal Histories exhibition for months and months. Nothing had really felt quite right to me. I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't be able find any inspiration to suit the theme.


And then, out of nowhere really (but of course from somewhere) I knew what I wanted to do. And I wanted to make a start. Straight away. So over a week-end, just before I got cracking on Dionne's first drawing exercises, I got to work.


This book is tentatively called "About ME" and I'm going to use translucent pages and text. It sounds horribly narcissistic, I realize, but I'm reasonably confident that it isn't. The text is information about M.E. (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) the now-accepted "proper" name for chronic fatigue syndrome. I'm really delighted to say that I've been granted permission by the IACFSME to use their text in the book.
There isn't much to show you yet, as I am just cutting stencils, but here's a peek.

Next, I dragged out my lovely chunky drawing supplies and roll of cartridge paper and made a start on the tasks set by Dionne.

After a week or so of drawing it was time to try out some of the ways she showed us to translate those marks into textiles. It was all new information to me, and the results are wonderfully textural and exciting.

But you should see the state of my studio now!

(no photos, It isn't for public consumption)

With all these different projects on the go, it has just become layer upon layer of art materials and media, and quite honestly, there is not a bit of surface clear to work. I am forced to take my lap-top tray to the sofa in the living room to do anything. Of course, that's exactly what I'm doing - I can't stop now, can I?

But April really has to be the month of culling and tidying, or else by May I might not be able to get past the door.

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A return to blogging

Hello and welcome back to my blog!

Thanks for coming back and for being so patient during the four months since my last post.

I think the blog break has been good for me and it has been nice to be free of obligation for a while. That said, I really miss the contact with everyone and I'm hoping to get back to a more regular routine of posting now.

Despite being four months since I last wrote, the work on our unit is still underway. It has started so that's great, but it's been more complicated than expected. Hence the repairs are going to cost more, and we're still living under the same conditions as we have been since February.

Brighton Pavillion

We made the decision to take ourselves out of this environment for a while and so in August, we headed overseas. We spent a month in Brighton in the south of England and one week in Paris. We chose Brighton because it gave us a seaside holiday surrounded by history in a very arty town, without the challenge of managing a foreign language. It's also only 50 minutes by train to London. The holiday worked well for us, and we came back feeling much brighter and with more energy, which is just as well, because as I said, things haven't gone entirely smoothly with the work.


Over the past months, I've also put some energy into trying to understand how I need to pace myself in order to conserve my energy. I've learnt that it's important to build up energy before I spend it, rather than being active first, letting myself become exhausted and then having to rest up and recover. That process takes a lot longer to return to zero, than if I rest before and build a reserve of energy to use. Of course this requires certain amount of planning, a certain amount of knowing what is coming up, and life doesn't always give you that warning, but where possible that's the way I'm trying to organise myself.

Beachy Head - famous "jumping off" spot in Quadrophenia

Also, using a few different assessment mechanisms I've worked out that my energy is about 25% of what might be thought of as "normal". That may seem depressing or disheartening, but in other ways it has been very freeing. Information is power, and just having that 25% figure in my head allows me to be a lot more realistic about what I can expect of myself. It allows me to rest pre-emptively and not feel guilty, which believe it or not isn't something I've really been very able to do before. I've always felt that I have to keep going until I feel exhausted and then, and only then, was it okay to stop and rest. Now I know that that's not the case.

Bex Hill

I think the other thing that it has allowed me to do is to be pretty ruthless when it comes to prioritising, and it's been a bit of a surprise to realise that I hadn't already been being ruthless in this. I have been prioritising for many, many years obviously as you have to when have a chronic  illness but now I am really getting down to that one or two, or maybe three things, that are absolutely essential and give me the most pleasure. Those are the things that I can and will choose to spend my time doing. 

For that reason, I have to say that I probably won't be blogging at the rate that I have been in the past. I've been thinking that perhaps it'll be more of a monthly update, with maybe a smaller post  in between that's mostly images if I'm being productive. I really hope that you'll understand this and that you won't feel let down, or that the blog is diminished by this. I considered actually stopping blogging all together, but I realised that I have made so many great friendships through my blog and that the exchange benefits from being mutual. I could just visit your blogs but sharing something of myself allows you to come and visit here as well and helps the relationship to develop greater depth. 

Book sculptures used in a window display in a clothes shop in Paris

 

I'm very happy to report that since I returned from overseas I have started being creative again. I've been finishing off some projects that stalled about 12 months ago, so I'll be sharing them in the next couple of posts, and I've also got some things to share with you from the trip overseas. I met up with a book artist in Brighton which was very exciting and saw some great stuff in London, so that's coming up in this space very soon.

A Blog Sabbatical or Going Into Hibernation

With the lack of activity on this blog, you may have already thought that I had taken a sabbatical from my writing "duties". In a way it's true, but I want to make it "official" so that you don't feel that I have just run off, abandoning the inter-web and never giving this blog or you another thought!

This year seems to be a challenging one for a lot of people, and that has included me. You might remember that in January I blogged about one room in our home being inundated. It might amaze you to hear that the room remains unusable and the repairs have not even been started as yet. Or maybe it wouldn't. That is if you have ever had to deal with insurance companies, bodies corporate and builders.

I don't won't to bore you (or myself) with all the details, but the crux of the problem is that people with ME/CFS just don't have a great reserve to deal with things when life throws a little extra at you. It happens to us all from time to time, and I don't expect to be excluded from those times and events, but I do need to be realistic with how much I can manage.

You may think that after six months we must be nearing some sort of solution to all this, and I am hopeful that some work might start in about four weeks. Or maybe six. Or...who knows?

Ultimately I have had to look even more carefully at my priorities and and I can see I must improve my self-pacing. For some months I haven't really been coping with it all: living under cramped and damp, moldy conditions, trying to move things along with the repairs and running the home. It's been pretty much impossible to find a bit of time to be creative and to see friends, the things that keep me sane! And even more worrying, I haven't really wanted to do those things.
About a month ago I found the Treating CFS and FM website, which has loads of very useful information, particularly in relation to pacing. This is something on which I've never had any professional guidance. I've always had to try to make intuitive judgements about how much energy I had in relation to how much I would need, and I have to admit to being pretty unsuccessful more often than not. 

These past months my energy has been whittled away, and with it my "joie de vivre". It hasn't been a lot of fun, and I really need to find some better ways to manage things. I feel the need to withdraw from "the public eye" for a while, so I can spend my time with as little need for external time-keeping, and see whether I can work out some strategies that work for me.

I did consider sharing that journey here on this blog, but I don't think that is what interests most people who visit me here. Also, I don't really know where I'm heading with this or how I'll be getting there. It could be incredibly tedious filling in of charts and mapping of symptoms. On the other hand, I may decide I could really do with some morale-boosting along the way, and if that is the case, don't worry, I'll raise my arm and you'll know I'm not just waving.

A Return to Podcasting

listen to ‘A return to podcasting’ on Audioboo

Looking back: It's review time

 Just like Hilke, the Buechertiger I've been delaying the writing of this post, my annual review. Some of my reasons are the same (not feeling I've accomplished enough) and some are different.

This time last year I was in an optimistic mood, satisfied with the achievements of 2011 and excited at the potential offered by a brand new year, 2012.This time around I have not felt the same at all. 

My dissatisfaction  has come largely from not finishing either of the major projects I've been working on: my Book Art Object edition 4 contribution, and the wedding album for my friend. Both of these are now well-underway, but both also still have quite a long way to go. I'm annoyed with myself and cross that I can't start 2013 with that lovely blank slate, that I wrote about last year. It really feels as if these projects are infringing on 2013.

Summer /Christmas/ New Year is always a challenging time energy-wise. There is such a lot going on socially, people wanting to catch up and in high spirits, and its almost impossible not to over-do things.This year, I mis-managed even more than usual, by pushing myself hard in November and December to try to complete the BAO edition and the album.

Early in January, I soothed my self-disgruntlement by joining Michael Nobbs Month of Reflection and Planning.  (If you don't know Michael Nobbs, he also has ME/CFS and blogs at Sustainably Creative, where he focuses on ways to remain actively creative for people who are low on energy or time.) Taking a whole month may seem a bit of a luxury, but it is our summer here, hot as you-know-where, and I really do need to be taking it easy just now.

I have been using a couple of tools for my annual review for the last few years, and this year I am trying another one as well. That makes three! Hmmm! Lucky I have a month. 

I'm using (in my own fashion, of course):

1. Alyson B Stanfield's Year End Review 
2. Chris Guillebeau's Annual Review
3. Susannah Conway's Unravelling 2013

   Alyson's review is totally focussed on artwork, and I discovered to my pleasure, that my list of works completed was in fact, not too shabby. I also found that when I looked at last year's review, there was an unfinished project then too, and what's more, I still haven't returned to that one! So maybe carrying projects over isn't so bad? At least the review process has shown me I need to consider that.

Chris's review is much broader in its scope. He covers every aspect of his life, and builds in quarterly reviews, which I have realized are a great idea. When I returned to mine, I discovered that in 2012 I had stuck firmly to my vision in some areas, but in others, quite different paths had presented themselves. 

A year is a long time, and while I love to have goals, I think the reason so many New Year resolutions fail is simply because things change. Perhaps Quarterly Resolutions or even Monthly ones would work better for most people. 

Finally, new for me this year is Susannah's Unravelling workbook.  Susannah runs Unravelling e-courses, where participants use photography to dig into their daily lives. I've never done one, but I do enjoy Susannah's photography and her genuine style of blogging. 

She suggests choosing a word for the year, identifying something personal, that you would like to work on in the coming 12 months. Last year, while I didn't complete her workbook, I did choose a word, and to my surprise I found that it really did colour my year.

 So, review is well-underway and looking pretty good after all. There's still nine more days in the month of reflection and planning, so next time I'll share some of the things from 2012 that pleased me most, and hopefully some Plans (note the capital "p").

To week-end or not

It's been head down, tail up for me these past weeks. As you know I've been working on a wedding album for a friend in small chunks of time, almost every day.

The end is close now but I've noticed how slogging away at something with a deadline really drains a lot of the pleasure from tasks I would normally enjoy.

Annoyingly I have set myself up to finish this year (and probably start the next too) with a number of things like this, projects with deadlines.

Of course, the truth is that all of these are self-imposed and only half are things where I have actually made a commitment. It may be that I will be forced by time and energy to drop the others. In the mean time, I want to relax a little about them, so I can enjoy them more.

Just this past couple of weeks I have been having a week-end, and it feels so good! As I am free to organize my own schedule, and low energy times have no respect for the day of the week, I have not really bothered with week-ends as such for a long time, maybe even years. I would spend Saturday and Sunday as any other day, working in my studio if I was able, and rarely actually nominating any day as "off-duty".

Taking week-ends, I found some time to potter with my garden, tiny as it is. I have planted some seeds of Australian Indigo, my first plant specifically for dyeing.



Nothing to see yet, but hopefully in a couple more weeks! If you'd like to see what we're waiting for, go here.

I found that even when I just do the things that people with 9-5 jobs have to do on their week-ends, like catching up around the house, it feels a lot more relaxing than cramming things in while thinking "I just want to get into the studio."

So I'm wondering, do you have a "proper" week-end? Or do you treat everyday the same? How does this work for you? Do you find it's easy to get/take enough time to relax?

Mid-Spring: thinking and doing

 Part 1: Mostly thinking

I've been managing an hour or so most days in the studio, and this allows me to keep things ticking over mentally, and a little practical progress to be made.

In contrast, I have occasionally cast my mind back to a happy time when I was preparing for my ceramics graduation exhibition, and I worked in part at the dining table in our open-plan unit. My clay buildings surrounded me, and were one of the first things I saw when I opened my eyes. The intensity of full immersion in the creative flow was such a pleasure, and I'm sure that the work benefited.

These days I am aiming for a different type of flow. I'm doing my best to appreciate what I do achieve (both in the studio and beyond) and the days do feel more spacious and less pressured (mostly!)

This year for the first time, I'm noticing the rhythm of my days and being more aware of how I structure my time. It's a schedule of sorts, but it has developed quite organically, rather than by my imposition.

As a result, I'm feeling more content despite not really having as much energy as I would like to have. The way I feel during the day "leads" me, and after observing this for a while, I can see that there is an internal pattern happening.

When I push to fit in more, whether in the studio or elsewhere, there is a tiny bit of give, but one step too far and I find myself in a crabby mood, my mind filled with negative thoughts and hopelessness lurking not far away.

The first iris of the year, and two frisky goldfish

Living in a subtropical city, it is quite possible for the seasons to cycle past with minimal impact. I've been trying to be more in step with the seasons over the last two or three years. Taking the time to pay more attention to the changes that do happen has surprised me with the amount of daily pleasure it gives.

I've started a project where each season I will gather some representative plant material and use it to make natural dyes and ecoprinted paper. This was kicked off by the pansies which my lovely house-sitting friend Louise planted for us, as a welcome home from our trip in winter. The dark purple pansies have been flowering madly and I have been snipping them off after a couple of days, and putting them to freeze until the plants are spent.

Meanwhile, I've been progressing with binding the wedding album I am making for a friend, and in my breaks from that, testing different materials and structures for my next BAO edition. So next post I'll share some of that.

Through the Blind

Permission to explore

I've been keeping to my goal of minimizing advance commitments and going out more than usual, but of course I still want to somehow fit in some work. It seems that as soon as I have some work I want to do, I become quite driven, and if I am not able to get cracking, I start to feel both pressured and crabby!

I've two main projects to finish by the end of the year - a wedding album and my contribution to Book*Art*Object Edition 4. And of course, I'm feeling that I should be getting on with these, but I'm really keen to work on something entirely different.

Just before I arrived home I signed up for an online course, Extending Embellishment with Karen Ruane. Yes, as I said, something entirely different - embroidery. I discovered Karen's work on Ersi's blog, so thank-you Ersi! (take a look at Ersi's gorgeous embroidery ledger pages here)

For a few years I've been feeling drawn to embroidery. It's something I haven't done since I was a teenager, but I often feel I'd like to have something to do with my hands when I am sitting about.

It feels like it could be a way of creating that would be easy to pick up and put down, and good for times when energy is low because it wouldn't require setting up a space and dealing with loads of different bits of equipment, or anything wet and messy.

I see myself using embroidery as a type of drawing, with all the benefits of beautiful fabrics, gorgeous threads, lovely colours and textures! Mmmm!

To start us off, we were asked to make Moodboards (collections of images or objects that inspire us). I decided not to use  embroidery examples. These are mostly my own photos, plus some Japanese papers. I've also started another in a "gallery" over on flickr, using other peoples images. You can see it here.

I feel it could really work for me! Or maybe I'll give it a go and realize it's not "me", but I when I saw this course, I thought it might be a good way "in", allow me to learn a few things, and maybe to judge whether I'd like to go further. If you've been reading this blog for any length of time at all, you'll know that I love to experiment with different media and techniques. Sometimes I worry that all this exploration is a weakness, but I am starting to understand that it keeps me fresh and I suspect that I will never become a one-medium artist.

All the resources included in the embroidery course will remain available to us after the course finishes, so in a sense there is no need to work along with the class. However, it makes sense to do what you can, I think, as now is the time to ask questions.

So I'm trying to give myself permission to make the course my creative priority and simply assemble things so I'm ready to go with the next project, the wedding album. The deadline for that is late November. And that's ages away. Isn't it??

Home again! (And What I Learned From Travelling)

Well I've been home in Brisbane for a little over two weeks now and this photo shows one of the best things about being here. Little Mia seemed to enjoy her holiday at the "Cottages" but there's no place like home.

It's taken a while for the fact that I'm back home to really sink in and I haven't actually re-established a routine yet. This has been intentional because I can easily feel quite pressured by routines, and I really noticed the difference while I was away.

This trip was long enough and varied enough that it allowed me to see more clearly some of the things that work for me, and some that aren't so helpful. I don't just mean in regard to travelling. Of course, I had a great time while I was away, but for us, its not just about being on holiday or having a break from work/the routine. It's a bit more complex than that and in some ways, it's amazing we can manage travel at all, let alone find ways that work better for us than in our everyday.

I've been thinking that there must be some lessons I can take from these trips and apply to how my days are organised back here in Brisbane.

Some of the differences that seemed positive:

• very few commitments set for particular days: this allowed me to do what felt most inspiring on the day. Also, I was much more aware of choosing what fitted with the energy I had, rather than feeling as if I had to do something and pushing on, regardless of how I was feeling.

• getting out of the house almost every day of the week: I guess it's obvious why this is good for me, but here at home I can go days without leaving the house. I become so fixated on getting some artwork done that I always choose the option of staying in.

• more social contact: yes! even in a country where I barely speak the language or know a soul. The question of social contact is a tricky one for me, on a few levels. Firstly, I do like quite a lot of solitude, but I also really need enough social contact. When I've done those personality tests, I always sit exactly 50/50 introvert/extrovert. Since being sick I've especially found that socializing can be very tiring, but nevertheless, I really need it.

• surroundings that I found incredibly inspiring: I really noticed the difference when it came to reviewing my photographs. I always enjoy taking photographs, but the end results never feel as satisfying to me as when I've made some other sort of artwork. For the first time on this trip, I felt a number of my photographs (especially with my new camera) were quite exciting and expressive, and I'm planning on taking them further.

• limiting my activity to about 3 hours each day: This really relates to the question of pacing and is something that is really key with ME (as it's now officially known in Australia, not CFS). For some time I've known that 3 hours of "active" activity* is my limit, if I don't want to overdo things and find myself unable to do much of anything at all for a day or two after. It's not a bad length of time, but it is very easy to stay longer. While I was away, because I was very motivated to be well for as many days as possible so I could do and see as much as possible, I became pretty disciplined about sticking to this. I think it was also made easier by the fact that I wasn't trying to match the energy of healthy friends, or not to let anybody down by leaving early. 

And over all I was able to be much more active, and I saw and did so much! 

My studio looking towards the window

So now I'm back home and I am champing at the bit to get into the studio and have some creative fun with all the great inspiration I've absorbed, BUT I don't want to isolate myself too much. Somehow I want to find a balance between doing enough creative work to feel satisfied, achieving some goals, and still getting enough of all those other good things that I discovered make me happy. It's going to be tricky, but the good thing is that I do have the freedom to make adjustments as I see fit. I just need to stay aware enough to see what is needed. Wish me luck!

Studio: looking back the other way

*By active activity, I mean something that I have to engage with - intellectually and emotionally (not physically of course) in contrast to passive activity - like watching TV or surfing (the internet, that is!)

Working on Digital "Regeneration"

I've been having a lovely time in my studio since returning from Sydney. With all my friends away for Easter and no possibility of health-related appointments either, due to the holidays, a rare stretch of empty days opened up for me. I have an exhibition I am working towards too, so it could not have come at a better time.

In August, Impress Printmakers will move into their newly renovated premises in the old substation at Kelvin Grove. For such an active and professional group, it is sometimes hard to remember that for years they have been operating out of "temporary" premises under the home of one of the members. (The old "Queenslanders", perched above head-height on stumps, are great for this kind of purpose.)

At last the organization will have a permanent home, and will be celebrating with an exhibition titled " ReGenerate". I am delighted that the theme is one that relates to my work, as this seems like a significant occasion and I really wanted to participate and contribute.

Members have to contribute a small edition (at least six prints) and even though isn't many, I decided to play it safe and make mine digital. It is the area where I have the most experience and it is the least physically-demanding.

With four empty days at Easter, plus a pretty quiet week so far, I've been a bit obsessed! The beauty (and the danger) of digital is that you can try so many alternatives. Eventually, last night, I managed a "first cull", printed off the remainder and then put them away for 24 hours to clear my mind. I had been putting them up on the wall, and I find that is great when you want to keep developing things. Ideas just seem to l e a p into your mind with the work in front of you, but it doesn't seem to help the selection process.

So, because you are friends, and I know you will be kind, I thought I would post a few options here for some feedback. They are a mixed bag, some feel finished, some maybe not. I'd love to hear if you have a favourite, or if there is one you think is strongest. Or even if you think that part of one is working well, but needs some tweeking!

Spring is sprung or “It’s a new kitchen!”

 

New waterlily leaves emerging each day now. What I like about his photo is my “twining's tea” grasp of the iPhone, reflected in the water!

 

I mentioned that I had a busy Spring planned, and it has kind of swept me off my feet.

After a busy and stimulating time in Melbourne, we returned to finalise details of our kitchen renovation. What started with considered review of articles in Choice about cooktops and ovens, gas vs. induction, finished by dragging ourselves into a lighting chain store, pointing disinterestedly at some spotlights and paying up asap.

In between, there was tile dust, jack-hammering, cement dust, a bench top that didn’t fit in the space left for it between the upper and lower cupboards and more. Oh, did I mention the 7am starts? Might sound reasonable to most people, but it means spending the day in a jetlag-like fog for me.

The good news is the main works were all finished within two weeks, and now we have beautiful bamboo floorboards and a lovely new, fully functioning kitchen with a designer space-age extractor, all looking very swish. We still need to sort out the tiles for the splashback, and a few other details, but we can take our time with that.

So here are a few photos:

BEFORE/DURING

What the kitchen looked like before, except that we did have ceramic tiles on the floor, not bare cement!!

 

 THE NEW KITCHEN ARRIVES

 

 

One of the cabinets has this rather disturbing message written on it!

(Never did work out what it meant.)

 

AND NOW…

Do you like the demolition-site aesthetic we’ve gone for with the splashback?

I think it’ll be a new trend.

 

More soon, and I promise it will be more art and book-related.

Exhibitions at Impact, Part 2

Things are rather chaotic here, with the fridge still out on the patio along with half the living room furniture. The good news is that today is the last day of early starts and tradesmen creating clouds of dust. The finishing touches to the new sustainable bamboo floor are happening as I type. The kitchen is in place and operational. There's just the mess to clear up, but first some rest.

 

For now, here's some more photos and links to work I saw at Impact7 in Melbourne.

Clare Humphries: Material Remains

This Melbourne artist was once an occupational therapist and her work relates to very similar interests to my own. I missed her paper, but hope to download it when the conference proceedings are available. Some info about Clare here.

 

Unfolding Projects: Afghan and Australian Artists' Books Collaborations

These beautiful collaborative artists books were in glass cabinets, just near the BAO display. Read & see  more here.

Melike Tascoglu: The H2O Series

 

These prints exploring the nature of water really spoke to me. I'm not sure if they can be read as well from a screen. Read & see more here.

 Janet Bellotto: Finding Juliet

I freely admit I am sucker for a good lenticular print. (You know, the postcards of your youth where the lady winks suggestively etc). This diptych is the largest format lenticular print that I have seen, and it is used to great effect to depict a wave crashing though this scene. I loved it!

The artist is from Toronto, living in Dubai. Her website where you can see more of her photographs, as well as video and installation work is here.