Sunday, July 22, 2007

Emotional flip-flop!

It is amazing how things appear to swing around from seeming so positive and hopeful to feeling like they are completely beyond me. Not that much as changed, probably mostly my hormones (!) but I feel as if I need to take some drastic steps if I am to have a hope of completing the masters in time.

Last week I seemed to be recovering from my trip to Melbourne quite well. On Thursday I was able to do a "CFS-day" of work (=3-4 hours) and the same again on Friday. I was feeling quite pleased with my recovery and even though the work I did wasn't all that creative and inspiring, it was necessary.

I have decided to bite the bullet and buy a "Spyder" in order to calibrate my monitor properly. I am also getting a custom profile done for use on my printer with Hahnemuehle Photo Rag. This is the paper I have chosen for the book "Like Weather". All this should ensure that the colours I see are the colours that print, and while costing a bit [remember I'm a paid writer now ;() ] will save loads of time, paper and ink, not to mention grief.

So I spent Thursday and Friday working through the instructions, printing off the "target profile" which I posted off to Melbourne to await my custom profile. I also spent time tweaking images and text for "Like Weather", as suggested by my supervisor. It's all very slow, and I'm not done yet, but at least I felt I was on the move again.

Then yesterday morning I woke with a giant headache which did not let up until evening. The day was spent in bed, sleeping fitfully, not daring to move about in case I vomited, and trying not to worry about "lost time". Fortunately when I woke this morning the headache was gone and for a while I was so relieved I felt quite positive.

Some hours later, I am wondering how I can possibly manage to finish my masters work while keeping up with the various family obligations I have. I thought about going to Melbourne for a month to work solidly without interruption, but I don't know how I could afford the accommodation costs, and I'd need a space to work. Then I thought, maybe I could just say I'd gone to Melbourne. I could keep a low profile and really focus on working. But my husband and I aren't good liars, we're just not comfortable with it - there is no way we could keep it up for a month.

Hhm, family. It's not that you don't want to help, you just don't want your life taken over.

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